Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young and vaguely in love
And who needed money or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs

Fred was only twenty-two
So everything he said was true
Sweet as a clumsy puppy dog
But expletive! Could that boy snog

Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young and vaguely in love
And who needed money or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs

Dave offered me the presidency
Of the Log Cabin of New Jersey
I'm not sure who he thought I was
But I smiled and nodded because

Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young and vaguely in love
And who needed money or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs

Ted the All-American male
Had recently got out of jail
For asking money of someone
A John while flourishing a gun

Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young and vaguely in love
And who needed money or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs